my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
