Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
