why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
