So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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