guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
