He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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