I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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