FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
