he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Who died my cat blue again?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
