Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
