A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
