You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
