Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
