uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize