The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
