yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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