my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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