dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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