If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
