Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize