There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
