If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
