Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
