I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
