Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
