apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
