dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
