People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
