she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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