All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I looked at my own cervix.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
