I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
