The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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