this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
