am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize