After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
