So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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