I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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