It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
