i was born a porn star she said
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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