I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
my liver is dry heaving
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
