4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
