I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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