I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
