piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
