I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
