Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
