What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize