she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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