omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
