I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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