I wish my penis had an off switch
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
