Can i not drive my cunt home
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
