if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
