Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
