Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
