so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
