Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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