Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
