I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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