i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize