those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
