Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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