I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
