I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
