some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize