I could have mohawked her pubes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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