we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
false alarm. still invincible.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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