Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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