just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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