there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize