i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
