I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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