Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
