U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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